


Nectar of the Gods

by Zilchtastic



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Caffeine Withdrawal, Fluff and Humor, Gen, hints of Cullen puppylove, no really I love coffee
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-18
Updated: 2015-10-18
Packaged: 2018-04-26 23:55:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5025628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zilchtastic/pseuds/Zilchtastic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Josephine introduces an exotic new brew to the War Room. Havoc ensues when they run out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nectar of the Gods

**Author's Note:**

> Written while drinking my morning (decaf) coffee. I remember when I quit caffeine. It felt like being run over while having the flu. Thought it'd be pretty funny if Josephine inadvertently got everyone hooked on coffee, only to see what happens when the wellspring of energy dries up. X3

Inquisitor Lavellan resisted the urge to dip her hands into the open bag of deep brown dried-- beans? Seeds? "What _are_ they?" she asked the trader, confused.

They smelled _heavenly_ \-- deep and rich, bitter-sweet and unlike anything she'd encountered before.

The trader opened his mouth to answer but was cut off by a girlish squeal of delight. Josephine was rushing towards them, eyes wide with excitement. " _Coffee!_ " she exclaimed, nearly abandoning her ever-present writing board on the nearest table. She actually _grabbed a handful_ and held them to her face, inhaling deeply. "Ah, it has been so long!"

"Josephine. You know what these... things are? Because they're more expensive than one of Master Dennet's finest horses," Lavellan said, not bothering to keep the skepticism from her voice. No food could be worth _that_ much gold.

"They are, ah, for drinking, your Worship," Josephine said, looking suddenly abashed. "When ground up and filtered with very hot water--"

Lavellan waved a hand. "But why are they so pricey?"

"They come from far-off Rivain, your Worship. The expense of shipping alone is... Well, and the cost of growing them... It's... complicated."

"Complicated," Lavellan repeated. 

Josephine raised her chin proudly. "The shipment was my request, so I will pay with my own coin. I assure you, it won't cost the Inquisition."

"It's fine, I was just... startled. Are they really worth their weight in gold?"

" _Yes_ ," Josephine said, with uncharacteristic passion. "You'll see."

***

The next day at the war table, Josephine proudly handed out mugs of her "coffee" to everyone present.

Leliana smiled slyly. "A reward for our hard work, Josie?"

Josephine's spine was very straight. "I thought we could all use a pick-me-up. You've had coffee before, but Commander Cullen and the Inquisitor have not."

Lavellan could smell the steam rising off her mug-- that same seductive, rich scent, made velvety-sweet with something else. She sniffed. Vanilla? The drink had a creamy brown color, as though it had been mixed with milk. She took a cautious sip.

There was bitterness there, but the vanilla and milk swirled and soothed it away, leaving only that richness behind. She closed her eyes, took another sip. Honey, too, sweetening it all. It tasted like luxury, like-- Well, like something worth its weight in gold. "Mmm," she hummed, not even meaning to let the sound escape but unable to contain it.

When she opened her eyes, everyone was staring. Cullen was-- Was he _blushing_? Creators' sakes, why? "What?" she asked, shoulders hunching defensively.

"I take it you like the drink," Leliana said, smile still tip-tilted.

"It's... I can't even describe it. I've never had anything like it."

"I took the liberty of adding the flavors and the milk," Josephine told her. "You seem fond of sweets, my lady, so I thought you'd prefer it this way."

"Apparently you were right." She took another sip, sighed happily. "This is divine."

Cullen was now frowning into his mug. "Why is mine... black?"

"Again, I guessed at your preference. My apologies if I presumed wrongly?"

Cullen took a careful sip, made a face. "That's... I don't even know how to describe it. Bitter?" He took another drink. "But... deep. The flavor is... Well, it's certainly not tea."

"How astute," Leliana chuckled. She sipped her coffee with no change in expression.

"Would you prefer milk, or sugar?" Josephine asked Cullen anxiously.

He took another drink, grimaced again. "No, it's... fine. I'll just... I can drink this."

"Then shall we start the meeting?" Leliana asked, clearly still amused. "There is the matter of the passage through the Frostbacks..."

***

The next day at the War Room table found mugs of coffee waiting for them all. Cullen grabbed his, downing it almost immediately. Lavellan stared, watching his throat work as he swallowed.

He parted from his mug with a satsified sigh. When he caught the Inquisitor looking he ducked his head, abashed. "It's... strangely addicting. And it... helps. I feel more alert after I drink it. My head clears."

It _did_ seem to provide a pleasant buzz afterward. They'd gotten a great deal accomplished at their last meeting, with a minimum of bickering. Lavellan raised her own mug.

Today it smelled of hazelnut and cream. She took a savoring sip, made a noise that probably should have been embarrassing. "Josephine, you work wonders with this stuff."

"Ah, the thanks should go to Arcanist Dagna," Josephine demurred. "She figured out the contraption to brew the stuff. I was worried we'd all have coffee grounds in our cups, but she figured out how to-- Well, whatever she did, it works."

Cullen downed another third of his drink in one go. "The bitterness almost doesn't bother me anymore."

"You should try mine," Lavellan said, offering her cup generously. "Today it's hazelnut and cream."

Cullen went a little pink around the ears, strangely. "Drink from your...? I mean, no, no thank you, Inquisitor. I'm not much for sweets."

She shrugged and sipped more of her coffee. The meeting began.

***

Two weeks in, they began to realize their mistake.

Inquisitor Lavellan dragged herself to the War Table, head down. "Coffee," she grumbled, holding her head. "Coffee, before I kill something."

Cullen groaned. "Lady Montilyet, you're an evil, evil woman. You did this on purpose, didn't you?"

It was barely dawn, and the coffee mugs had not appeared at the table as usual. 

"Forgive me," Josephine apologized, "but the supplies are running low. I might order more from Rivain, but it will take several weeks to arrive--"

"Do it," Cullen growled. "I'll pay for it myself if I have to."

Leliana hid a smile behind a cup of tea. "Are you quite all right, Commander?"

"I feel like I've been run over by a horse cart," Cullen grated. "My head is _killing_ me."

Lavellan felt the same. Her head throbbed dully.

"I might inform you, coffee _is_ actually addictive." Leliana said, managing not to smile as she said it. Cullen stared at her in real horror.

"You mean I'm going through withdrawal _again_?"

"Mild, but yes."

"This is _mild_? Maker's _ass_." His glare swung to Josephine, who quailed beneath the hazel onslaught. "You _knew_ ," he accused.

"You must forgive me, Commander, I did not think-- If I had only realized--"

"Leliana, why aren't _you_ suffering?" Lavellan asked, nearly complaining. The spymaster looked as alert as ever.

Her smile was serene. "I asked Dagna to make me a special kind. It takes out whatever it is that causes that 'buzz' you all grew so fond of. No buzz, no downswing."

Lavellan leaned against the War Table, groaning. "I hate you. I hate you all. And I want some _fucking coffee._ " Josephine held her writing board in front of her like a shield. "Shall I send for the shipment right away, your Worship?"

" _Yes._ "

***

Weeks later, Inquisitor Lavellan eyed her mug with suspicion. "And it won't do that again? You promise?"

"Arcanist Dagna assures me that the level of... something she called 'caffeine'? --Is so low as to be non-addicting. Alas, it will not provide the alertness anymore either." Josephine smiled apologetically.

Lavellan sighed. "One up, one down. How's Cullen doing?"

"He is still speaking in grunts and monosyllables, but I believe the worst is over. He has asked to be switched back to tea, however."

Lavellan shrugged. She lifted the mug to her face, breathing in the beautiful rich scent. Today the flavor seemed to be a generous dose of whiskey, which was just fine with her. She took a sip.

"We'll just have to schedule meetings for later in the morning," Lavellan said. "Move things around as best you can, Josephine."

Josephine half-bowed. "As you wish, my lady."

"And Josephine?"

"Yes, my lady?"

"Have Dagna keep some of the buzzy stuff in reserve. Just in case."


End file.
